Let's Grade These Letters That First Graders Wrote to Blair Walsh to Cheer Him Up

Star Tribune — “For Blair Walsh. Keep on trying. Puppys are cute.” Such were the words of wisdom from Tasha Lee, a first-grader at Northpoint Elementary in Blaine, for Vikings kicker Walsh, who missed a 27-yard field goal in Sunday’s playoff game against the Seattle Seahawks that would have put them ahead with the clock running down. While Vikings fans around the state continued to curse the kicker and rip him apart on Twitter, first-grade teacher Judie Offerdahl thought Walsh’s difficult situation would be a great way to put empathy into practice for her students. “I knew that Mr. Walsh probably felt horrible about it,” said Offerdahl, a (shhhh) Seahawks fan. “I also knew it would be a good teachable moment for the kids.” So students are writing heartfelt messages to an athlete they don’t know. “Dear Blair Walsh,” wrote one. “I know that it can be hard to get through things that are sad. but you have to try and try again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. One time I made a mistake when I was doing a cartwheel. I felt embarrassed. You can still help the Vikings win the Super Bowl next year. Your fan, Sophia Doffin.”

On Tuesday, each student took turns sitting in a chair at the front of the class and shared their letter and message of hope. Alex Rice assured him everyone makes mistakes. “I had missed a basket before,” he said.  Jacob DePoint really empathized. “One time I had the same problem as you and we lost the divisional playoffs,” he wrote. “You rock.” Still others like William Ofori just offered reassuring words. “You are handsome. … Don’t worry. It’s just a game.” We talked about when in your life have you made a mistake and how do you think he felt?” said Offerdahl. “We also talked about how you pick yourself up like Mr. Walsh did.” Offerdahl plans to send the letters to Walsh. Jeff Anderson, Vikings executive director of communications, said the team will make sure Walsh receives them. “I know he will appreciate them very much,” said Anderson.

Here we have a really nice look at the ways people try to cheer people up at the most basic level. You’ve got a few really interesting tactics that don’t really change with age. We just kind of gussy them up with flowery language and proper spelling. So let’s take a look at the different tacks these kids take and grade their papers:

Tasha says: For Blair Walsh. Keep on trying. Puppys are cute.

Personally I think that’s the most adult attempt at a cheer up you can get. It’s like saying, “I’m not gonna candy coat this and say you didn’t fuck up or that it’s okay. You’re feeling kinda bad now and maybe you kinda should a little bit. I will however say you shouldn’t give up on your chosen profession. Keep on keepin on. Hey, you like puppies right? Look at this puppy. How happy does that shit make you? Really happy, right?” Good job Tasha.

Grade: A- and I only knocked her down because the puppies in her picture look sad. Trying to cheer a guy up here, Tash. Like this:

Sophia writes: Dear Blair Walsh, I know that it can be hard to get through things that are sad. but you have to try and try again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. One time I made a mistake when I was doing a cartwheel. I felt embarrassed. You can still help the Vikings win the Super Bowl next year. Your fan, Sophia Doffin.

Sophia started off strong but really overextended when she tried to empathize and say she made made a mistake doing a cartwheel one time. That’s a humble brag right there. That’s like trying to cheer some one up and using the opportunity to prop yourself up. One mistake, Sophia? Really? Let’s get real. And I don’t see the Vikings winning a Super Bowl while Bridgewater is under center and Adrian Peterson heads the wrong way from 30 years old but that’s neither here nor there.

Grade: C- Chock up one more mistake, Sophia

Alex laments: I had missed a basket before

This is when the person knows they have to say something but aren’t good at this sort of thing and just blurt something mildly relatable. Thought that counts in this case. Nice try Alex

Grade: Smiley face sticker and maybe swapping out his glue for the non-toxic kind

Jacob opines: One time I had the same problem as you and we lost the divisional playoffs. You rock

Here comes the guy who has enough in common with you that he thinks your problems are similar but they’re not. Lemme take a little air outta those tires, Jake. Your divisional game doesn’t matter. You probably still got a trophy. Blair Walsh probably got death threats. You got a pizza party. The fuck outta here peeweee

Grade: Red frowny face and maybe get held back a year so all the kids who you were friends with think you’re dumb

William raps: You are handsome. … Don’t worry. It’s just a game

I like Will’s initial take. Just tell him he’s good looking. Such a great way to cheer people up. If it was socially acceptable to cheer people up this way, I think we’d all do it. But when you say that you’ve gotta follow up with something else otherwise it seems like a come on. You are soooo good looking. *awkward silence* Annnnnd it’s just a game. I’m not gay. But you’ve got your looks and that’s nice for you and other people but not for me. Feel better? Cool cool. How cool are vaginas, right?

Grade: B- and a scouting report sent to his future high school’s theater department

Now the ultimate grade of A+ goes to the teacher who’s a Seahawks fan. I can only assume she realizes that a grown man getting letters of empathy from 7 year olds because their teacher ordered them to do it might not have the desired cheering up effect she’s supposedly shooting for. In fact it may have the opposite. Tremendous troll job. So I say bravo to her and humbly submit my letter to Blair as well.